but we're doing it all wrong
by porcelainanimals
Summary: They touch, they break, and they fall apart. Fill for SnK kink meme.


Author's Note: Hi, I'm awkward and try to write artsy smut.

Fill from the SnK kink meme: . ?thread=920332

* * *

This isn't a good idea. It wasn't a good idea in the first place - just a timely coincidence. That's it. Nothing more than that. They touch, they break, and they fall apart.

They can't remember when this first started (Levi remembers the feel of Erwin's lips the first time they crashed against his own and the way his mouth tasted like pennies) - it had been summer, hadn't it? - and they lose themselves in a tangle of sweaty limbs and unheeded want. Fingers curl in rumpled bedsheets and the cold morning sun peeks in through slightly parted blinds as tongues and teeth clash almost painfully. A strangled moan escapes as they grind their hips together, thin legs coming to wrap tightly around a muscled waist like an anchor. They're not moving fast enough to numb the pain.

"More." A hoarse whisper admist heavy pants and groans. Levi smells faintly of bleach, something the commander once found endearing, but now the scent throws him off, and he licks a messy trail up the other's neck as his fingers wander as they please. He considers taking things slow. He thinks about a future where the days aren't as grim, a future where there's more than hoping to live to the next day. But this is war. A little voice in the back of his head asks him if he should reconsider, if he should just stop, but at this point, everything is hazy and all he sees is the body spread out before him and -

"_Faster_." It's a command, not a plea, and Erwin grits his teeth as he thrusts, gripping pale shoulders in a way he knows will leave behind ugly purple marks. He bruises smooth skin with harsh kisses and feels nails rake down his back. The pain only makes things better, reminds them that this isn't making love. It's a way of survival and they both know not to expect anything else. It's been too long without tender words, without sweet whispers and soft caresses, and they've given up without even trying.

Fingers dip down even further and slip inside as Levi arches and hisses softly in pain. They push and stretch, and he bites down as hard as he can on broad shoulders to tell him that he doesn't need this kind of pity. Dark eyes flash and fingers are suddenly replaced with something much bigger. It's rough, just the way they like it, because they don't have time for anything else when the ground seems to shudder with approaching footsteps. His mouth opens in a silent cry but he won't let himself scream because that would mean that he'd fallen. He is not weak.

They don't need things like pretty words to soften the blows. Time stops when they're together (it moves too fast; where is it all going?) and they just forget. Erwin thrusts deeply and lets out a shaky breath as he feels the heat coil in his stomach. It's practically unbearable. Levi shifts underneath him, body writhing into a better position - they've done this so many times they've lost count and when he shifts in just the right way, he allows a low moan as his fingers dig angry crescents into a muscled back, nails sharp enough to draw blood.

The first time, Erwin recalls, they had been covered head to toe in mud and blood and goodness knows what else. The remaining soldiers had straggled back within the safety of the walls and he found himself wandering empty hallways restlessly. The rain beat relentlessly against dirty windows which Levi had been itching to clean until he had been shoved unceremoniously against a hard surface and his brain seemed to turn off. Erwin smells like pine trees and the wind, and Levi can't get enough as their bodies mesh together. It had been more pain than pleasure, bodies bruised and nearly broken, and they had collapsed into a dirty mess on the floor when they finished. Erwin's slacks were still half on, stained, and Levi's shirt torn apart with buttons scattered around them. They had stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity, breathing heavily and avoiding each other's gaze, until finally, the lance corporal stood up, brushed himself off, gathered his things, and left.

It was only supposed to have been a one time thing but they found themselves falling into dusty storage closets and scratchy military cots. Their bodies are compatable, at the very least, and that's all they need. They do it once behind the courthouse in the alley, with Erwin's cloak spread out beneath them. There's something about a discheveled Levi that really gets at him - sweat plastering his hair to his forehead, chest peppered with red marks, mouth open - and it claws at him on the inside. His fingers linger for a moment too long, but he tears his eyes away and buttons up his pants as he calms his breathing. Sometimes, he wants to scream, wants to grip at (frail?) shoulders and shake him, to but he refuses to be the first to break. He tells himself to just feel, just breathe, don't think. This isn't something he needs, he tells himself as he walks away without looking back. It would never work out between them. There are too many things left unsaid, too many feelings and doubts they haven't worked out and too many old scars.

Levi reaches a hand up to tangle in blond locks and pulls him down, silently urging him forth, and Erwin follows, one hand reaching between them to push and pull. Their eyes lock and Levi feels his heart pound faster (why?) as he crushes their lips together and lets his eyelids drop, eyelashes brushing against his cheeks. Erwin tastes like coffee with just a little bit of cream and something more, and his lips are unbelievably soft. It shouldn't be this way. Levi's teeth bite down and the other pulls away.

He's unbelievably close and he reaches down to guide Erwin's hand, their fingers twining together around him and it almost feels right. Their foreheads press together and they come nearly simultaneously. Levi inhales sharply as the pleasure subsides and he lets his head fall back onto the pillow, savouring just this one moment when they untangle themselves and the sound of their breathing is soft and sweet. He feels an arm wrap securely around his waist and he wonders how long he can stay this time, shifting ever so slightly so their fingers barely touch. Erwin lays down next to him, on the same pillow, and when their eyes meet, Levi forgets how to breathe. They kiss, and there's something different about this. It's gentle, it's slow, it's bittersweet, and the commander pulls away.

They lie on the bed together in silence, not touching, not looking, until the corridors outside finally begin to stir and they can hear footsteps and greetings. Levi finally rolls off and begins to dress himself meticulously. Strap here, button there, smoothing creases and taming his hair. He makes sure to hide all the marks and when he turns around, he's the image of a perfect soldier. He opens his mouth, as if to say something, but then he turns around and leaves. The bells go off in the distance and another day begins.


End file.
